Or…Hair today, gone tomorrow.

 

OK – I am not a high school senior “growing my hair long” for my senior picture. I don’t even look good with long hair and never have, but there must be a hair cut somewhere that has a little panache to it for a lady of a certain age. Please.

 

I don’t have grey hair so I can’t have the usual purple permed hair that has been around since the 40s. My hair does not like to be curly in any way shape or form. So permanents, big rollers, “product” and hair spray are out useless. It is actually kind of fun to watch the face of my “stylist” as my hair (which has been sprayed, moussed and all but set on fire under a dryer) simply slides right out of a roller limp and lackluster .

 

So, here I sit looking unkempt and in need of one of those TV make-overs. But nothing too extreme. I did that a few months ago. I thought ‘let’s be brazen here.’ So I went short, almost manly. It’s a cut that many older ladies wear, with fabulous earrings. On me? Just call me Butch.

 

Before that one there was the, “I’ll just clean it up and follow the lines from before” disaster. Not to be confused with the ‘thin the hell out of it hair cut’ so I ended up looking like a balding Chihuahua.

 

Next attempt was, let’s go back to the old short pixie cut and “use lots of product to give you some height in the face” technique. A pixie cut on a wrinkled old lady with no grey hair still looks more like a troll cut to me. Perky? Quirky? No, more like jerky. Friends try not to laugh at the results, but they can’t hide the smirks. I swear if one more person comes up behind me at a party and tries to blow my hair straight up…

 

I see all these neat ladies around with me with fantastic hair cuts oozing all sorts of style. Short hair that sits just so, curly hair that is the epitome of perky, smooth bobs that swing and swirl, the essence of class and then there is me looking like I have a dead squirrel sitting on my head.

 

Pass the acorns.

 

 

Conspiracies are back!         Marilee Williams

 

Ah, hah! Just when I was beginning to think all of the scary conspiracies had disappeared with the Cold War another one rears its ugly head. This one has to be real. It is the conspiracy between the self-help gurus, mental health professionals and the packaging industry! Seriously now, we all read about how to love ourselves, appreciate our strengths and positive think away all signs of weakness when along comes “easy open, just tear, self-sealing, reusable packages and child proof lids.”

Seems like such a simple thing to “tear here.” Tug, tug, tug and yes it tears at a diagonal for about 2 inches and then it tears off to the top of the package. No easy zipping going on here. How come I can’t even do the pre-zip, self-closing thing right? Scissors to the rescue to cut the top off evenly now pull the two sides apart for the easy open.  Pull, pull, pull – please be an easy open – pull, pull, pull and rip. The easy open, easy reseal package is now all stretched out of shape or torn off!  The package is finally open and ready to use – keep saying to self, “don’t sweat the small stuff, and this is only a small thing,” If it is only a small thing why am I so frustrated and feeling so silly and not capable? Okay, now I get to try to use the quick reseal feature. Press, slide, press again, slide, one more time and drat the easy reseal strips are not aligned – even the planets don’t seem to be in alignment for me either.

And then, and then the easy open cardboard packages. The glue was invented by an anti-social maniac. The package was designed not to open! So just push here and tear back to open this box. Push and the box collapses, tear back and the flap does not move. How about those easy pour spouts? Love the ones that fall out especially if it’s on a salt container. Easy pour is all over the floor.

Quick, where is that book on growing your self-esteem? When does the POPT (power of positive thinking) group meet on Tuesdays or Thursdays? Do I really have to do another trust fall before I open another package of peas?

Marilee Williams

 

 

Where are the police when you need them? The “What Were You Thinking?” police, the hair piece police, the way too much cellulite police. Come on now guys,  Senators, TV reporters,  teachers or coaches – who told you that a hair piece like that looks great, natural and all time fantastic? Not me. I can’t pay attention to what you are saying because your hairdo is so distracting. It is all I can do to keep from laughing out loud at how silly you look. Besides that, the Donald has cornered the market on the most ridiculous man hair – the comb over. I wonder how much he pays his folks to tell him that he looks good. I think I would have to be paid a million or so before I could say that with a straight face.

While I am thinking about it how about those pot bellies poking out of T-Shirts and tank tops? I don’t care if you or your dad fought in WWII, ya still look silly in that get up mister. Belly Fat is not a pleasant site no matter what you and your mirror might think. It’s a serious health issue and not a source of pride. We can judge your successes by your car, your house, your shoes or jewelry if showing me your success is that important to you. And please tell the wife or best friend that flab is not fab. Belly rolls cannot be considered a fashion accessory.

And now, just in case we did not have enough to avoid . . . leggings are back! No matter how tight the fabric or dark the color your wrinkles and rolls are there for everyone to see. Please, please do think twice before you stuff yourself into another pair of leggings and step out of the house. One more please - please don’t haul out that extra large sweater to put over your super stretched out, maxed out tights and think that you are making a fashion statement. OK guys, that means running tights for you too so leave them at home when you head for Home Depot. I can’t say that I appreciate the anatomy lesson.

Rolls and buns belong in the bakery department not on you. Let’s keep ‘em there.

Marilee Williams

July 2009

Thoughtfulness 

A neighbor of mine was asked, rather quickly, by her neighbor to feed and walk the dog while she was away. The house key was dropped off and “poof” the lady left. All went well. The family returned, but no request for the key or here’s a little gift for you let alone a thank you appeared. I suppose she was lucky they came and got the dog!

 

I may be old, but you are never too old or young to say thank you or thinking of you. In the olden days our great-grandmothers had “gift drawers” with lace hankies, perfumes, candy or costume jewelry tucked away ready for that special occasion when a gift was needed. Granted, lace hankies are “out” but thoughtfulness is not. (Heck even a nice package of colorful Kleenex would work!) 

Today’s standards might be more like candy or wine, but folks are always in a rush and say they just don’t have time to shop. We do go past gas stations don’t we?  They have things other than diet sodas and coffee. They have candy, flowers, and fun snacks – those super sweet or salty treats that you might not buy for yourself, but would love to have once in awhile. How about a magazine about cooking, growing flowers, home decorating or a known interest, maybe even for their secret passion like boating or photography. Next time you are at your local pharmacy chain whiz past the sale display and grab a few extra goodies for thank yous, or when you are at ye old Mega Store grab a sixty pack of coasters or swizzle sticks for $3.99. Come on folks it isn’t that hard. 

You can put together a great gardener gift: a packet of flower seeds, a flower pot or a cute little bucket to plant them in. You can even find kits ready made at some grocery or home stores. Don’t forget your own garden as a gift source.  How about a clipping from one of your favorite plants or a bouquet of flowers or fruit from your garden? (No large zucchini though, very few people know what to do with them.) Candles are always a treat – colored ones, neat shapes, spiffy smells, or organically approved like beeswax. Citronella candles for the patio come in clever containers now. And fancy soaps never go out of fashion.

 

 

Don’t forget something special from you – do you cook or bake? Cookies are always welcome. Do you draw or paint – create a cute set of note cards or stationery or post cards too. Create a little photo album of four or five pictures of your host and you together. How about a movie in a box?  Buy a DVD, microwave popcorn and soda or their favorite beverage. 

Have you thought about how much fun it was to play games, the non-electronic kind? Folks don’t do that much any more. Remember Monopoly, Uno, Clue, Chutes and Ladders – Candy Land. Have you ever played pick up sticks?  Introduce something old and make it new again. What a gift – to give people the gift of a smile or a giggle.

May 2009

Marilee Williams

 

A Royal Pain 

The Middle Ages have past, the Renaissance Fairs are over, but I am still surrounded by princesses. I thought we lived in a modern democracy not a monarchy. Did I miss something during my last nap? Every young lady, I use that term politely, I meet seems to be under the assumption that she is a royal princess and expects to be treated in that manner.  

In fairy tales a princess’s wish was a command and was obeyed by her loyal servants. In today’s world, the modern princess’s command is to be immediately obeyed by mom or dad, family and friends and teachers or anyone else on earth. Cost or personal sacrifices have no limits. “I don’t care how much it costs. It is what I want!” 

Have you seen the princess paraphernalia in stores? Girls can dress like a princess, sleep like a princess, take a bath like a princess, eat on princess plates, spend a night in a castle like a princess – there’s probably princess TP too just haven’t see it yet? Being a princess is not just for Halloween anymore. Disney has seen to that. They have even added some extra princesses to the fairy tale line up. Do you think they sell peas for mattresses as well?  

Something happened to the Sweet Sixteen party too. It once was a cultural thing, not for every family. Not anymore. Every girl deserves to have a Sweet Sixteen party. Party! Ha! It is an out and out court appearance with all of the trappings of a royal court. Doesn’t matter if family’s economic status is trades folk or millionaire – the wish list – err - demands are equal to the annual budgets of members of royal families.  

Boyfriends can’t just be the cute guy from geometry. They must be a cross between prince charming and a footman, while fiancés and husbands must be prepared to cater to the whims of their princesses, before marriage and to the queen, after marriage. Not seeing much equality here – definitely closer to a dictatorship – kinda sheik like (no, sheiks are much more benevolent).  

Don’t even get me started on the latest phenomenon of Bridezillas! Who takes pride in being a self-centered brat in front of thousands of people! I thought King Louise the XIV had some silly demands requiring the complete replanting of gardens during the night so he could wake up to the smell of roses or lilacs the next day. Maybe that is where these modern princesses got the idea for their wedding days.  

I thought a marriage was between two people, hmmmm. Seems more like the coronation ceremony for our princess to become the queen than a joint celebration. The husband is just another decorative piece of the bridal picture. Oh, yeah. The bridal photo album . . . 

Sure could do with a little more class and a little less crass. 

April 2009

Marilee Williams

 

Maybe It’s Me? 

Funny – ya give something a name or a label and it goes from concept to a state of being like the word “homeless.”  Now, we have a new one, Uber Parenting. A new term for an old problem, over protective/overindulgent parents, out and out spoiling of children that has gotten worse – “worser” actually. ”Uber Parenting” is the art of hyper, over and extreme parenting your children or grand children.  

Who needs lessons from adults or anyone on how to be a silly, self-centered, or overindulgent child? I thought that is what we tried to correct during the terrible twos!  

I am confused, but I have not give up trying to figure out who’s the parent, the responsible adult or the child in today’s world? “What shopping cart would you like to ride in today? What would you like to eat today – you don’t like the chicken alfredo? What would you like to wear today? Yes the princess tiara and the tutu look adorable, and of course no coat dear if you don’t want to wear on – even if it’s  freezing  minus 25 degrees outside.” 

Back in the day – good or and even not so good parents followed the guidelines of parenting given to them by their parents, and their parents and so on.  Golden rules, Ten Commandments and cultural philosophies have been around for thousands of years to guide folks in their parenting. Kids have been expected to build their lives on their family values within the family income. They had to follow the rules to please all the grandparents, aunties and even the neighbors. “What will the neighbors think?” 

Uber parents aren’t hard to find. You can spot one an isle away when you are in the grocery store. They’re the moms with the special shopping cart covers to protect their babies from any and all lurking germs. You can see them on the playground too, hovering over their toddlers, negotiating toy disputes for even their seven year-olds. They surface in high school too where they are busy phoning teachers to complain if their child brings home anything lower than an A.  

What is the cause for this silly trend? Sociologists say it could be less children in the families. Parents can give more attention to just one or two kids. Let’s face it if you have five or six kids you don’t have time to over parent, just trying to half parent is hard enough.  

There are some distinct differences between now and when we were kids. When we were growing up, the culture wasn’t so child centered. There were no “mommy and me” classes. There was no “kindermuzik.” And there was no “gymboree.” Ah ha, but a huge market share has grown up around exploiting parents’ fears that their kids aren’t developing fast enough, they aren’t happy enough, or they don’t feel loved enough. Sounds like uber marketing to me. 

 

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